Fly Away

I had a dream I was in a shallow pool of water with my mom and all my aunts. It was in a cove surrounded by large rocks. At the entrance to the cove was a large drop off to the ocean. I walked to the drop off and noticed a group of huge manta rays swimming towards the pool. My mom called out for me to be careful as one of the manta rays came directly for me, it's eyes were on top of it's body and he was playful like a dog as he stared into mine and glided right underneath to swoop me up and help me fly. 

I trusted his playfulness.

My mother and all the women who came before me were trying to protect me because they love me.

You see the land had taught them to fear the sea, especially all the monsters that swim in all its vastness. But they only became monsters when man tried to tame and claim them for their own.

The monster were never monsters at all and I won't be tamed or claimed as well.

I love all the women who have come before me and I am grateful for the care that creates an urgency that wants to protect.

But ladies, there is protection in flying away.

I know this because you paved the runway.

The runway that opened the sky.

So that I may take the next steps and take my turn in showing the way.

Come with me.

We were never meant to stay.

 I wrote this on my morning sunrise walk while at the dog park.

It made me feel closer to my mom than I have ever felt before. It made me realize though just how much I don't know about her. How surface level our relationship has always felt. I don't blame her for that though. I recognize her humaness while recognizing my own. How we will accept defaults from strangers and give grace to learn more, while when it comes to family our victimhood screams no more. 

As I move into this new stage in my life I am calling in a lot more softness. A lot more gentleness. I have never practiced gentleness because I was never taught how to handle people gently. I was not handled gently.

I am learning gentleness now though.

I am learning how to allow myself to step into the best version of me so that when the metaphorical doors of Starlight Synergy School open I am prepared to take on the responsibility of being the leader of a school working directly with helping others to heal themselves in the ways I have worked to heal myself. I cannot be that leader without going through the process myself. 

In the future, as we grow and expand as a community I hope that all you Star Seeds of Starlight Synergy School hold me accountable to these words and keep me honest. 

I am human after all.